Healthy friendships
- Sophie Borgia
- Jan 24, 2021
- 3 min read
Friendships are one of the most important parts of life, so why is it that we aren’t taught how to have healthy and successful friendships? Secondary school and university can be especially challenging times for friendships. In this post I will share some of the things I have learnt through my own experiences navigating relationships with other people.

Making friends
It can be difficult making friends, especially if you are a person that feels shy in situations with lots of people. One of the best things I have found is that something as small as smiling or making a passing comment to someone nearby could be the icebreaker that starts a friendship. I met one of my closest friends in school by sharing that I thought my head of year was scary! I have also found that joining clubs and societies that interest me often lead me to people who are similar to me, as similar interests often mean similar personalities or values. It can be daunting to go to an event alone, but there will almost definitely be someone else who is also alone who would really appreciate a smile or chat with someone new.
It is only recently that I have come to realise just how important communication is for healthy friendships and other relationships, and this is because we often aren’t taught how to communicate successfully as children.
Communication
It is only recently that I have come to realise just how important communication is for healthy friendships and other relationships, and this is because we often aren’t taught how to communicate successfully as children. Many negative situations can be avoided if we communicate with our friends- tell them you appreciate them, but also tell them if they have done something to upset you. If they are talking to you about a problem, ask them what you can do to help- some people may just want a listening ear, but other times they might need advice or practical support. The only way to find out is by asking them. Equally, let your friends know what you need- it can only make a friendship stronger.

Boundaries
Another concept that isn’t spoken about very often is having boundaries with our friends. Sometimes we don’t have the capacity to be there for our friends when they need us. Whether this is because of upcoming deadlines, a bad mental health day or any other reason, it is okay to tell your friends that you aren’t in a good place right now or that you aren’t able to help them out. If they are respectful of your boundaries (and they know that you are respectful of theirs) this shouldn’t be a problem.
We should never have to feel responsible for another person’s wellbeing.
Being there for your friends
I have definitely fallen into the trap of trying to be there 100% of the time for my friends who are struggling, but have found that ultimately it was detrimental to my own mental health. We should never have to feel responsible for another person’s wellbeing. Supporting your friends is a way of showing you love them, but if you feel that the amount of support you are giving is causing problems in your own life, try and speak to your friend about other sources of support they can use.
Conflict
Conflict in a friendship is never nice and can often be very stressful, especially if you are someone who dislikes confrontation. However, I would argue that having an uncomfortable conversation with a friend to resolve an issue is almost always more beneficial than not saying anything and becoming bitter or passive aggressive towards people who have upset you. If you struggle with confrontation in real life, writing down what you want to say beforehand, calling someone on the phone, sending them a text or email are all useful tools to make communicating with your friends easier.

Ending a friendship
Sometimes friendships can become more harmful than they are supportive. It is okay to end a friendship if you feel the relationship you have with a friend is causing problems in your life or making you feel bad about yourself. Be kind to yourself when experiencing the end of a friendship and allow yourself to process your feelings- tools like journaling or talking through your feelings with others can be very helpful for this.
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